My friend, Sarah, recently posted an interesting quote:
Each phase that your child goes through is not equally pleasant. When you find your relationship in a particularly difficult phase, keep in mind that it just might be the exact thing you need to be experiencing. Maybe both of you are supposed to learn something from these difficult times. If we can see each difficulty as an opportunity, we can face just about anything.
-Hal Runkel, LMFT, Author of Scream Free Parenting and Scream Free Marriage
I read this and immediately opened another search window so I could log onto my account at the library and request the book. This really made me stop and think. I've been having a tough few weeks with a certain 2 year old. Perhaps I've been dealing with everything all wrong. Instead of trying to figure out where I'm going wrong, what I'm doing wrong, what she's doing wrong, I need to see this for what it truly is...a phase where we both learn and grow...a phase where neither of us is necessarily doing anything wrong while we find our way. After all, neither of us has done this before. But, we'll figure it out. Together.
When things get tough, what do you do to get through it?
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8 comments:
Dance and remain optimistic!
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.
A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
This makes me think about when my second child was 4. I honestly thought I was losing my mind. And I thought I might hurt him at some point. It was a hard and scary time. I read many books, googled more than anyone should google. I even considered anger management for me and him. One day I was whining to my mom about how I got the worst kid in the world and she said this to me: "It's hard to get along with the ones that are most like you. He's just like you, he doesn't want to be told what to do and he doesn't like it when people talk to him that way." It changed everything for me. I treated him how I wanted to be treated and I talked to him the way I expected people to talk to me. I tried to always have him feel respected and to feel as though he had a huge role in his own life and the decisions he made. Within reason, of course, he was only 4 but he still believed he was in control and that I was guiding him, not ordering him. He was so different from my first, she just wanted to be told what to do, she was so easy. Once I figured that out things got so much better for him and for me. It changed our relationship and we get along so much better now. He'll be 12 on Monday. When he was little I thought he'd be the one I "lost" the battle with but I don't believe that anymore.
I guess the point I am trying to make is that I'm sure it is a phase with Sammy but it's a phase that is teaching you about her and you need to learn how she wants to be handled instead of her trying to handle you. It's tough. It's the hardest thing I think when they are so little and you are trying to teach them things. We need to remember that they are people too and they need to react to life the best way they can. You can't give in and let her run the joint, that's not what I'm saying. Just be mindful what what SHE'S trying to say with her limited communication and all her other skills she's developing. Good luck. You're a good mommy!
Wow! That was a long comment. Sorry!!!
What do I do? i try to breathe, and find something else to take my mind off of the situation and look at it again from his/her perspective and remind myself they are children and still learning how to express and show their emotions.
Oh, I hear ya...and I don't have a second one to think about too! I try really hard to remind myself to take a deep breath and remember that this is a moment - or a week, or a month - but it will be gone before I know it, and I will want it back so badly. I also am really big on choices in my classroom, so I try hard to give him choices, all choices that are okay with me of course, but still choices to him. Eh, those are my good mommy moments. In the hard ones, I turn up the music and try to remember it will be over soon... ;)
I told Sarah earlier that her post couldn't have come at a better time. We are SO struggling with Tot and sometimes I need to be reminded of the lessons that need to be learned.
You're the one who tells me time and time again, "it's just a phase"... I guess sometimes taking your own advice is tougher than it could be.
You are an amazing mother and You will get through this "bad" phase just as you got through the last one... Chin up xo
Oh this is good advice for me right now!
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